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Amor Prohibido

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Many words have been said to define love. Some would say that it’s like the morning dew that signifies a new wonderful day. Others would say that it’s like the breath of the winter that blows and brings a chilling sensation. Or it’s like the aroma of the flowers that bloom wonderfully in a splendid garden.

Love is the best antidote of a dying heart. No human can ever fathom the depth of its meaning nor the happiness it brings. Love has surpassed all the feelings and emotions. Love can’t just move mountains or reach the farthest stars or melt the hardest rock but love can do all the impossible possible.

To love and be loved in return is the most comforting sensation that we all long to feel. It’s like sailing in a placid ocean while feeling the touch of the smooth breeze. Or floating like a cloud in a picturesque blueish sky. But one thing is crystal clear to me, I am in love with you.

We’ve met like I never notice. I stared at you and you replied a simple endearing smile. Our path has crossed in very unexpected circumstances. My heart wants to ignore the tingling sensation you brought that slowly melting my frozen heart.  This feeling is no stranger to my heart. I have loved, been loved and suffered the pain and side effects of love. ‘Twas love at first sight, I should be honest.

I never notice that slowly my heart has fallen into the deep abyss of a forbidden love. Am I in love with you? Well, is that even question? I know that we are not bound to fall in love with each other or I don’t have the right to even feel any ounce of affection towards you. If I’m going to jot down all the reasons of why we can’t be together then I am writing a book. It’s very unprofessional to love you, that’s all I can tell. But when can we say that loving someone is wrong? Or do we need a reason to love and not to love someone? Oh! Let me know.

Love has its own way of reaching the hearts of those who long for caress and affection. I miss you every time we part ways. I find no reason not to love you. I expect no single droplets of rain to pour on me. I don’t expect that what we have right now will last a long time. We both know that this ain’t right. I owe you this lingering happiness that I am feeling now. I admit I can’t contain this overwhelming thought of hoping that someday somehow we can be together. This discreet love of ours may seem to unbind but in silence, we find no rules and prejudice. Nobody can teach a cat to bark or a dog to meow. Nobody can teach my heart of whom to love. My heart has been tormented for centuries and it’s barely beating. I can’t blame my heart for falling in love with you.

Love is a battle. A battle between heart and mind. You’re not my ideal girl yet you fill in the vacant spaces in my heart. I am fighting a feeling that is meant to be felt. Sometimes I want to be insane so that I have the reason not to think about you. I want to gamble again in a vague hope of having you by my side. This lame act of mine may show no courage but I find no shame of confessing what my heart is shouting. I love you like I felt yesterday and I miss you today. I am no Shakespeare that I can extract the most romantic words to express my fondness and longing to you. I can’t promise you anything because what we have is a forbidden love. I have no wealth or even precious pearl to offer. I am just an ordinary senseless guy who believes in fairy tales and happy endings. But let the world know that from the bottom of my naïve heart, I am insanely in love with you.

 

 

 

 

The Art of Stupidity (Chapter 6)

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I want to believe that I am ok. I’ve been utterly ruined by the same pain that made my heart a stone. Nowadays the idea of real and romantic love is already obsolete. At this very moment, I am consumed with anger and writing is my only way to unload whatsoever baggage inside my heart. It has been my weakness to fall in love to someone with a very complicated background. I don’t want to say it. I don’t want to elaborate it. If I reckon it right, you are the third girl that I have fallen whom has a very unique individuality. I don’t know how to describe it. I have no intention of damaging your reputation or hurt you on the process.

I’ll be damn honest, I am confused. You’re no perfect girl. You have failed all the standards that I’ve set. I hate the fact that I am writing, again, another stupid and senseless article. I can’t comprehend the perfect logic of loving, being stupid, and the weird attitude of every girls. My mind is definitely have lost the sense of sanity and I can’t think clearly. I am not angry with you, that is a fact. I’m just wondering of why history is keep on repeating itself. This story is no new to me. I have experience it a long time ago and all I thought it won’t happen again. Surprisingly… TADA… its happening again.

I don’t want to be bitter but girls have a habit of giving false signals and phony feelings. I am not speaking from experience and I am not being defensive. I knew it would end this way. I have already seen the gloomy clouds ahead but no warning can stop an enthusiastic heart. I have decided to cease from chasing that feelings that can send some butterflies in my stomach. I can sense that there is something wrong. All is well that ends well. But in our case, nothing seems so well and right.

“If I am going to kill all the girls that have slaughtered my heart then it will be a massacre”.

Girls will always be girls. I’ll be brave, bold and honest. I’ll start with you Ms. Jessa M., a girl I have met somewhere. You indeed have caused too much pain on me. It’s been a long time but I can still feel the pain. You just suddenly disappeared and leave me hanging. How dare you? You’re very pretty. But you are very inconsiderate and overconfident. You should have told me if you have fallen out of love on me or you’re just stupid. Pamati sad ka.

Joan, labaw sad ka. You have used me and definitely abused my kindness. All your lies, pretentions and alibis were amazing. I am blinded by my love to you but I know everything. Your sweetness and caress were truly deceiving. In fact, I fall for it. I have given you everything I can offer but still you decided to just stupidly leave me. You have given no explanation. I tried to reach out but shockingly you’re in love now to a girl. What the F?

We started it right Ms. Lyn. Chocolates, flowers and love letters, I have given it all to you. I even courted your parents but anyare? I thought you’re the best girlfriend but you’re stupidly not. I found out that you fooled me. You’re a damn cheater. You’re such a polygamous, not so sexy, not so tall, not so white, boobless, deceitful girl. Bayare na to imuhang utang, bagag lepz.

Hey Miss Jinx, you are also stupid. You’re not exempted. After almost a decade we decided to settle everything but amazingly you did not show up. #IndianaJones. We even plan to spend a week to the summer capital yet you fooled me, again. I admit I was at fault of why our relationship ended tragically but is it really necessary for a revenge? Sorry for everything but we shared the same sin. You even have the guts to say I love you and I miss you. Really? Sad to say, I found out that you’re in a relationship with someone (another girl). I have no right to judge you. I have no right to question you of who you want to love but WHAT A HECK?

You’re the first girl who broke my heart “Ms. J”. I can always remember you because you’re the one who created my email address and first facebook. Remember? (jemfong4ever_hey@yahoo.com). You’re the girl. I can’t find any good adjective to describe you. Am I drunk? Nah! I am just intoxicated with pain that I can’t control my brain from processing some bitter words. Haaaa… I can’t feel the earth. Am I in Pluto? Anyways, thank you for the love and the pain that have molded me to be a more bitter guy. Am I angry with you? Ask my middle finger. So, harsh? Can you blame me? You cheated on me and I was too damn not to see it right away. I can still remember that day, our 3rd monthsarry, that you spent dating your ex-bf. even want me to thank you because you have chosen me over that stupid guy. Really? Well, shame on you. F**k off!

Who’s next? This beer and this damn heart breaking music…. I can’t concentrate. I can’t mention your name “Miss G” but you did a good job in breaking my heart. I trusted you. You have twisted the story and made me the evil one. Are you happy now? I bet you are because we’re sort of a friend. Plastik ra kayo ko noh? Well, I have learned it from you. You trained me.

I want to mention your name but I prefer not to but allow me to call you “Ms. Psycho”. Another girl who ruined the stillness of my wounded and dying heart. Another girl who’s more than “Ms. J”. I can’t define the misery that I have experienced under your world. I am a guy who hates bad words and all the cursing thing but I don’t know…. I run out of words. I can’t really imagine of why our path have crossed. Well everything happens for a reason. I have learned many things from you, mostly, bad things. I don’t want to be the antagonist of this story but sad to say I am the writer. Wahahah. I don’t want to think about you.

Hi “Miss I”! You are the epitome of a perfect girlfriend. I mean it. Of all my ex gf, you are the angelic type. Because you are more than perfect to me. Sadly, we are incompatible. You are very kind and understanding and because of that very reason I decided to become the villain of our story. I did the sacrifice because I know that’s the right thing to do. After five years, I have confessed it to you, the reason of why I walked away. At first, you have raised your eye brows at me but after I have explained everything your anger have subsided. What I did is for your own good. Looking at you now makes me feel a little envious. You are happily married. Sad to say the guy is not me. Hehehe. Congrats. I told you so.

I need a good sleep. Time check 1:00am. I need a psychological exam tomorrow. (If you want to send some shout out or harsh comments and even death threats then feel free to send it to my email address… mynameisrain1986@gmail.com or to the email address of my damn ex-girlfriend rishofmine_sky@yahoo.com. Wahahah). #Bittepamore.

 

 

 

 

Inside My Heaven

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In this sleepless night, I’m thinking of you

My heart can’t seem rest shouting your name,

I long for your caress, you have no clue,

Nobody can take this burning heart’s flame,

Life seems so short so let me love you now,

Or I’ll die in silence with my heart’s vow,

Vast is the ocean and so as my love,

End this longing feelings as free as dove

Without you this life of mine seems empty,

I crave for your love and so let it be,

Tears will surely flow if you’ll stab my heart,

How dare you Cupid if you’ll make us part,

You know I like her and her stupid smile,

Oftentimes she’s strict but I like her style,

Until now I love you even in mile.

The Art of Stupidity

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CHAPTER 5

(Love vs. Hate)

I am staring on a blank screen while thinking of you and suddenly random thoughts have occupied my mind. I have lots of things left unfinished because I am not in the mood. I don’t care for deadlines because my thoughts don’t have a calendar or a timeline. I write when I like to write. Writing means freedom. I have been thinking lately if I am really ready to risk my heart in a battle with uncertain endings. Love is a battle. A battle between your heart and mind.download

I don’t want to see her but I can’t deny the fact that I miss her. I don’t want to hear her voice but I am dying to read her text’s replies. She’s not my ideal girl yet she fills in the vacant spaces in my heart. Am I in love with her? I want to say NO. I am fighting a feeling that is meant to be felt. Sometimes I want to be insane so that I have the reason not to think about her. I don’t want to gamble again in a vague hope of having her in my side. I am momentary satisfied of the stillness that my heart is feeling now. Having someone is just like having a migraine but sometimes I want to feel that pain.

I decided to like you and not to love you. You are the weirdest girl I’ve ever met. I love you but my mind has already convinced my heart. You have failed my expectation as many as my fingers can’t no longer count. I have tried giving reasons to your futile responds. I have swallowed my pride and tested my patience but you still failed to get even a passing rate. I can’t read your mind. I have no hint of what your heart desires.

I spoke and I heard no replies. I asked and I heard no words. I really wanted you to be a part of my life yet you’re like a dead old oak tree. You can’t start a fire without a fire. You can’t drink a water without a water. You can’t love a damn stone. Sometimes I can feel your good vibes and undeniably you bloom like a flower. But how can you mesmerize any butterflies and bees if you’re not acting like you’re a beautiful flower?

You have an irresistible charm and wit. You seem to be a good and faithful lover. But love without action is dead. Love without communication is a double dead meat. You’re no ordinary girl. I don’t know what you really want. I maybe childish and immature in so many times and ways but when it comes to heart matters, I am serious and matured. I just hope that someday and somehow we can have a nice and quality time together.

Nobody is damn perfect. I have countless loopholes and imperfections. I am a nice friend but I was never a good boyfriend. All I can assure you is that, I have already grown up surpassing all the foolishness and wickedness in my blood. I hate someone who test my patience. I like you and hate you at the same time. You’re within and inside my heart but you’re not worth to be kept. Get out.

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The Art of Stupidity

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CHAPTER 4

(Heart’s Prerogative)

 

Good Morning Sunshine!!! I just got home. Time check 7am.

It’s very refreshing to feel the comfort of your hometown. It’s kinda hot right now and I am barely naked while feeling the coziness of the nature. All I can hear is peace and silence. So what’s my plan for today? I plan on finishing two articles but I don’t have the mood to be serious with it. It’s kinda weird waking up thinking about someone. What makes it weirder is that, it’s not Ms. N. Someone I didn’t expect. Love has its own way of reaching out to two different hearts. It is Ms. L. I don’t know her quite well but her “riatso” have reached my Shinigami heart.broendownload

No doubt, I have fallen for Ms. N but it’s very disappointing that she’s not taking me seriously. Love is the only thing that can tame my bubbly attitude. Love is the only thing that can make me feel that I am human. I can’t blame her if she’s treating everything as a joke. It’s her call. It’s her prerogative. Love is not a joke. I have been wearing a bulletproof vest to protect my heart for any stray bullet. If she’s that bullet then I’m sorry to tell you, you can’t hurt me.

Nobody has the right to question the way I express my fondness to others. I maybe poor in action but I’m just being cautious. You can’t blame my heart for having its own mind. It has been tormented for centuries and it’s barely alive. I like her and no question about that but I can’t feel her heart. I can’t feel any ounce of strange heartbeat from her. She can’t compare me to her pass lovers. Or no law dictates that you have the right to compare someone to someone.

Others have guts to criticize my way of doing and feeling things. Mind you all, friendship doesn’t give you a license to question my feelings. I don’t argue to fools because that makes me a fool too. I don’t speak but it doesn’t mean that my mind and heart are numb. It was never written in any articles of our 1986 Constitution or even in our preamble to question someone of why they are writing something non-sense just like this. We have our own way of expressing ourselves and this is my way of unloading my excess baggage inside my heart.

Many have wondered of why I decided to remain as lonely as the clouds. I have done many childish and irresponsible things in the past that have taken its toll afterwards and I don’t want to be that guy again. It’s better to walk alone than to have someone that can ruin the stillness of your journey. Sun will set when it’s time to rest. Moon will shine when it’s about time to reign the night. You can never be foolish and be sane at the same time.

I am no typical guy. I write more and talk less. I think more and act less. I watch more cartoons and listen to sad heart breaking music. I love spending time with nature than going to malls and parks. I love watching the same music videos over and over. I hate to argue to someone because I know we all have brains. I hate non-God believers. I appreciate someone who can spend time with me. I love someone who knows how to cook. I love someone who can appreciate good music. I hate being clueless. I hate someone who tries to test my patience. I am a lover. I am unfaithful sometimes. I love constant communication. I hate being declined and rejected. I can be numb. I can be very sensitive. I am insomniac. I love texting. I am in love with Beatrice Miller. I love Boyce Avenue and US Dou. I love chicken than pork. I value friendship. I hate kiss and tell. I am starving.

The Art of Stupidity

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CHAPTER 3

(Wandering Heart)

 

“Suddenly my heart has stopped beating. I am no dead neither alive. I feel no ache and I feel no trembling sensation”. It has been quite a while since I have ceased from seeking and waiting for something or someone to arrive. I hate to say it but I am tired anymore. I run out of words and lines to write and I hate it. I have no story to tell and nothing has interest me lately.download

I can’t find the right words to describe it. It’s been almost a year since I have written the Chapter 1 of this not so non-sense article. I have suddenly stopped writing and talking to Mr. Fools Note (My Diary) or visiting the poetic world of Mr. William Shakespeare, worst I have ceased posting on my blog. My mind right now is like a scrambled egg, maybe because I lack sleep or should I say I have a sleeping problem. My mind can’t stop thinking and my irritable state goes in to its maximum level. I have been writing since I can remember and it was my relief whenever I feel the boredom on my bloodstream.

I have read plentiful articles, stories, poems and the likes but nothing had surprised me. I can classify love stories in to two, the tragic and the stupid happy ending types. I am not bitter but it’s the pattern, may it be a movie, novel or a short story. Honestly, I don’t know what I am talking right now.

Let’s talk about the movie entitled, “The Choice”. Yes, no doubt, I love the story but I expect it to end in bloody tears. I won’t deny it I am the sadistic type because I love pain and suffering. Hahaha, I am being non-sense again. Love is all about choices and sacrifices. “The best kind of love is the love that awakens the soul and make us want for more. A love that plants a fire in our heart and bring peace to our mind… and that’s what you’ve given me and that’s what Id’ hoped to give you forever. I’d rather spent 1 minute holding you than the rest of my life knowing I never could” I forgot of where I have read or heard that lines but maybe it’s from the movie entitled “The Notebook”. WHATEVER!! WTF…. WTF… WTF (Wala Talagang Forever). Wahahah…

What should write? Let me think. Well, my mind is quite exhausted because I have written 2 articles last night and I’m digging for some words and line to finish another article for someone’s column. A ghost writer? Maybe. Let me tell you a story or the journey of my broken heart. Where should I start? From the moment that they slaughtered my heart or from that OA and cheesy moment where my heart was flying to seventh heaven? There’s no thrill on my story actually. I am writing this not to impress someone or to make myself a famous writer. I am writing this because I am alone in my room and I have no one to talk. I have spent most of time watching stupid Cartoons just like Naruto Shippuden, One Piece, One Punch, Bleach… just name it. But there were times that I want something a bit realistic then I watch a TV Series- The Flash, Grimm, Arrow, Game of Thrones and the likes.

“Nobody can teach a cat to bark or a dog to meow. No flowers have same smell. No butterflies with same wings. No persons have same ways of loving someone. Everyone have distinct way of showing their affection” #Mr.Hugot.

I hate it when someone question the way I show my affection to others. We’re unique in our own simple ways. I hate it when someone tries to give me a lecture on how to say “I Love You”. Damn. It’s like teaching William Shakespeare how to write a poem. I will say it whenever I feel of saying it……..that trembling sensation and that slow motion thing. Damn. I can feel the acid on my stomach. #Coffeepamore.

Time check it’s 11:04pm and I’m in the pause mode in watching “The Bridget Jones’s Diary part1”. Well, it’s a nice shift after watching “The Purge”. Maybe I need to sleep. Zzzzzzz.

Sigh

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I thought I have run out of ink to write,

Or the passion to compose a good line,

I’ve been suppressing this feelings of mine,

But my heart will explode or it will might,

I plan not to fall in love yet I am,

I know we’re like fish and bird, we’re mismatch

I can never caress and feel your touch,

Even in dreams I can’t have you, Oh damn

My heart beats so fast when you’re nigh on sight,

Forgive me if I long for you ‘til night,

I just want you badly but you care not,

‘Twas your charm who’ve fixed my heart’s unsewed cuts,

I want you but you are ocean’s apart,

Damn this insane love and this wounded heart.